AN ADOPTION STORY (Part 2)

A NOTE FROM ROSA (MY DAUGHTERS BIRTH MOM):

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I was always meant to be a mommy. To have a loving husband, with LOTS of children and going on amazing adventures together as a family. So, in the summer of 2009 that dream came a little early. I was almost 18 and I was pregnant by the boy I had been dating for the better part of 4 years. Sure it wasn't the timing I had dreamed of but I was going to be mom! I was so excited. Then  things went down hill with the boy, he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby and made it clear we weren't going to be together. So, 3 days later I picked up my things and moved to Washington with my sister and her family in hopes of getting a clearer idea of what I was going to do. At first I had no doubt I was going to raise this baby; after all, no one could love her like I did and some how I would make it work. 

For my senior project I did a documentary on the decisions, feelings and physical changes of a teen girl in high school. I began interviewing people from all side of the spectrum. Women that had been adopted, women that were adopting, women that had single parented and so on. My eyes were opened to a whole new side of life that I had never thought of. Like the realization that my child will have no real father in her life; she would know a mother who worked 40+ hours a week and came home exhausted; she would know babysitters more than she would know me; I wouldn't have the money to put her in activities like dance, gymnastics, piano lessons, voice lessons and so many more. I would be dating men and having them come in and out of her life, never giving her a stable image of a "father". These thoughts and feeling began to eat at me. How could I make the one person in this world, that I loved more than anything else, be raised this way? Is this the future my child would have chosen for herself if she was capable of making the decision? No. But it wasn't her decision it was mine. It became this drive in me to do whatever it took to find the best possible life for my precious daughter, no matter the cost to me mentally, physically or emotionally. 

So, in the midst of all this inner contemplation an amazing woman from my sister’s church befriended me. This woman was Kim. I felt a connection with Kim from day one. We became the best of friends and I began not just going to lunch or dinner with her, I began going to her house every day and hanging out with her and Lucy, Kim’s only child. She was the best mom I had ever met. I loved the way she mothered and took care of her family, and little Lucy was an angel. She also was an incredible cook ;) So while Kim and I continued to become the best of friends I was trying to find a family for my little girl. I had chosen a family from LDS Family Services and things just weren't going as smoothly as I thought they would. I didn't feel that peace I thought I would feel in finding her a "good" family, something wasn't right. Well, I was right, things ended not working out and I was so frustrated. I remember calling my parents at about 2 in the morning and telling them I wasn't going to do adoption and that I would never be able to do it if I felt like my little girl was simply a "bargaining chip". Shortly after that night I was making dinner with my sister and we were discussing things. In the midst of our conversation she turned to me and asked "Have you considered Kim and Nick?". It was one of those light bulb moments! I couldn't wait to talk to Kim.  I went over there the very next morning and as Kim was putting on her makeup I asked her. She was SO excited and so was I. It felt right! I felt a hope for my little girl, but above all I felt I could trust them. Our friendship we had built grew ten fold in those next few weeks. 

As the time arose for me to have Sarah the reality of what I was about to do really began to set in. I felt scared, anxious, nervous and every other feeling under the sun. I was about to do what many believed to be the impossible and all I could do was pray that the Lord would continue to bless me with strength. I gave birth to Sarah on April 6, 2010 at 9:11 am. She was beautiful! I had requested that I not be the one to hold her first because I knew how important those first moments were for a mother and child to be together, so they took her to Kim. As they cleaned me up and I started to get ready for my time with her I felt a peace, a special kind of peace that seemed to some how quench the pain. I knew what I was doing was right, I knew that Sarah belonged with Kim, Nick and Lucy. In the meantime, I had a whole family backing me up. Though only my mother and sister were there with me my entire family had put together a support bag. All 10 of my siblings had written me letters and sent me goodies, it was exactly what I needed.  Finally they brought me Sarah and of course I just cried when I held her. Her family came in a few minutes later and we had a whole photo shoot together, it was so special. So after the photo shoot I kept Sarah till later that evening, then in came Sarah's family. We sat and chatted together and then we just knew that now was the time. I gave Sarah over and they walked out to go spend their first night together as a family. Oh how I hurt, my mother and sister held me and I just prayed and cried. Four days later I moved to Arizona where my parents were living so that I could start my life over.

I would be lying if I said placing my baby for adoption was easy, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. The key to adoption is love and not just love from the adoptive, its love from the birth mom. The love that is instilled so deeply inside us to provide and nourish at all costs, even if the cost means sacrificing the right to do it ourselves. I loved my Sarah SO much and when I gave her to Kim and Nick I wasn't giving her up, I was giving her MORE. More than I could have given her on my own. Now, not only has Sarah been given an amazing life but I have been given a second chance. A chance to do things right this time, to live up to a higher standard and to prove that people can change. 

I love adoption, it's been on of the biggest blessings in my life.

ALSO READ:  
AN ADOPTION STORY Part 1 (from Kim, the adoptive Mom)

             AN ADOPTION STORY Part 3 (from Kim's birth Mom)